Santo's Apology to Madison
Once again you disappoint me, Madison. Once again your drunken idiot march ends in pepper spray and arrests. (See the Isthmus' coverage here). More than anything though, I am disappointed in myself. I should have been there; I should have been setting an example. I let down my guard and thought for a moment that I, El Santo, should know what it feels like to "party." Look at me here with my fellow luchadores. Disgraceful. We posed for the cameras like godless rock stars. I should have been on State Street steering people from their darker impulses. Instead, I was busy selfishly giving into my own. Forgive me police-men and -horses of Madison! You did not shirk your responsibilities like I did. You justly sprayed the purifying jalapeno mist into a nihilist sea. But wait? There was no property damage? There were no fires? No horse-punching? Why was the spray of justice deployed then? Why was the riot gear necessary? Who was in the wrong? It seems I have many questions to wrestle with (isn't Santo funny?) once I get over this hangover...El Santo
Note from the administrator: The party on State Street was deemed an "unlawful assembly." What makes an assembly unlawful? Don't get me wrong, I'm almost positive that all the people that got pepper-sprayed were morons but if we pepper-sprayed people just for being obnoxious, boring idiots we'd soon be without a functioning citizenry. All the girls gone wild would be puking up peppery bile (at least they'd be losing weight!). All the Maxim-readers would be perpetually rinsing out their burning eyes. All the people wearing bracelets-for-a-cause would be writhing in spicy pain. Once again the mayor is pissed and suggests we shut down State Street next year. Something tells me that's not gonna happen...
2005-10-31 11:54:50 UTC
The Velvet Fuhrer
I think I have found my teacher. His name is Jack Malebranche. I implore you to click on the link to Jack and read about his fight with eBay. They removed his auction listings and in so doing deprived a wide audience of his majestic and adorable velvet fuhrers. His website explains: "EBay is protecting YOU from the danger of these hateful and discriminatory velvet paintings. Because everyone takes velvet paintings seriously." I want to master the velvet arts if only to immortalize the Abu Ghraib torture scenes on sumptuous velvet. Thank you for inspiring struggling velvet artists everywhere!2005-10-28 19:06:08 UTC
Velvet Art Appreciation 101
I'm a supporter of the velvet arts. This is hanging up in my kitchen right now. I found it at a local antique mall for $6. I thought they'd made some kind of error. They must have meant $60, right? Well, needless to say I snatched it up before some other aesthete got to it. (I guess it wasn't so
needless to say- that's such a stupid phrase). Though I am an appreciator of the velvet arts, sadly I am not a velvet artist. Yet. I need a teacher. In my soul, I am the Van Gogh of velvet painting: all tortured intensity and tackiness. I am in search of a how-to guide or a velvet painting for dummies. I ache to express myself on velvet. Why don't more artists appreciate luxurious velvet 
as a medium? How cool would it be if Frida Kahlo or Remedios Varo had imagined their surrealities on a velvet landscape? Or if the Dutch Masters had experimented with light on velvet? Or if Rubens' fleshy beauties had sprawled out on a velvet scene? Fortunately some true
artists work strictly in the medium. I found the velvet painting of Karl Rove at auction on eBay. Click on the soon-to-be- indicted hunk to see other amazing Patriot Portraits from Indignico Inc. I highly recommend you search the galleries. The ET velvet is also from Indignico. Here's a ton of pictures of velvet paintings at Flickr. Historically, it seems the most common subjects for velvets have been unicorns, elvis, clowns, and naked ladies. I think this painting of MLK Jr. really brings some class to the velvet art ghetto. MLK is deep, man. I too have a dream: to bring esteem and respect to the velvet arts.2005-10-28 15:22:59 UTC
My Dream Wedding
The Hello Kitty lunacy continues to delight and frighten me (much like actual lunatics). Introducing... the Hello Kitty Dream Wedding! Why was I fretting about not doing anything to plan my wedding? I can purchase a complete Princesskitty Wedding package from the Daiichi Hanyu Hotels of Tokyo. Apparently Hello Kitty has had a
boyfriend all along named Dear Daniel. I think he's kinda like Ken: nobody likes him as much as Barbie, except for gay men of course, and he's always been in Barbie's plastic diva shadow. Dear Daniel is Kitty's arm candy but he also serves a vital purpose: he makes Kitty seem less threatening. A woman who's 
too independent scares people (Martha Stewart?). I'm sure he does nothing for her sexually. Look at him. That's what the Hello Kitty vibe is for! So I'm not sure their relationship is the perfect model. It seems like a sweet candy-coating on a cat turd. Or like a magic shelled blood clot. But that surface sure is appealing! Their themed weddings are a celebration of all things cute! And I can't think of a better word to describe two people committing to live their lives together, as partners. Aww, that's so cute! I found the dress at uglydress.com. It's perfect, no? And then it wouldn't be weird if I made my cats, Blew and Pew, my matrons of honor. It would just fit with the theme. I'll hot-glue bows to the tops of their heads so they look just like Kitty. Wait a minute. How the hell can Hello Kitty say her vows without a mouth?2005-10-28 09:02:45 UTC
Happy Halloween from Santo!
Hello. My name is Santo. Of course, you already knew that. I will be in Madison, Wisconsin this Halloween weekend on a very important mission. I must save your city from the debauchery the holiday brings. Every year I hear stories of drunken rioting and arson and college students punching police-horses. It
makes me sick. I am very much against alcohol abuse, arson, and horse- punching. Who punches a horse? Especially one employed as a soldier in the epic battle for justice. I will be making an appearance at the Lucha Libre Halloween Party hosted by some of my Madisonian friends (one of whom is pictured here). How can I leave you all to your own devices? I will be arriving by 
rocket-pack on Saturday. Please do not make a big deal of my visit. I am not a superhero. I am just a humble man committed to righting wrongs and battling evil. (Perhaps you've seen one of the records of my many victories against the forces of darkness: brujas, vampiros, hombres lobos, etc. The list goes on and on). And I also must ask that you do not refer to my rocket-pack as a "giant dildo." Don't eat too many halloween candies, muchachos! Good dental hygiene strengthens young luchadores!2005-10-24 22:11:25 UTC