Transsexuality in Super Mario World
I've mentioned my Super Mario fantasies before but somehow I left out Birdo. No sexual fantasy based in the Super Mario World is complete without Birdo. You remember Birdo. From Super Mario Bros 2? It was that pink dinosaur-looking thing that would shoot eggs at you from it's disturbingly tubular mouth. I always thought it looked kinda like Dino from The Flintstones with a bow on his head:
¿Recuerdas Birdo de Super Mario Bros 2? Es una bestia hembra, ¿s�
I had also always assumed Birdo was a girl, but apparently she's a tranny! And a bit of a queen from the look of it. In Japan, Birdo is explicitly referred to as a male who wishes he were female. He'd like everyone to call him Cathy. Even stranger, Nintendo of America wanted me to assume Birdo was female. They tried to cover up Birdo's transsexuality!
I can see the logic. I mean, clearly Birdo posed a threat to the gender orientation of our nation's youth. If a generation of American children happened to identify with the trangendered egg-spitting thing while they were trying to kill it, they just might reject their own gender identities. Nintendo of America really helped us dodge a bullet there. Or did they?
¿SabÃas que Birdo es una transexual?
The secret's out! The really freaky cat is out of the bag! And she's recruiting!
2008-05-30 12:13:21 UTC
5 Reasons to Hate Santa Fe
Santa Fe sucks for many reasons. Here are five:
- Yuppies have completely taken over.
- Well drinks cost a minimum of $6! (The vodka I buy costs $6 for a whole bottle!)
- You can't smoke anywhere, including outdoor patios. (Though of course there's an exception for the rich bastards' "cigar bars.") Technically, it's actually illegal to smoke outside in most of the downtown area because you're supposed to be 25 feet away from any building, which is damn near impossible.
- You may not be allowed into certain establishments if you are judged to be wearing too much perfume or cologne. (It's not clear if scented lotions, deodorants, or shampoos can incriminate you.) Example: a "fragrance-free" restaurant whose head chef happens to be the jerk who sold the naked photos of ex-girlfriend Kristin Davis that ended up all over the web a couple of months back.
- And let's not neglect these idiots who are trying to get Wi-Fi banned from public buildings. These "electro-sensitive" folks claim that they're allergic to Wi-Fi and they're invoking the Americans with Disabilities Act. How can anyone be against Wi-Fi? You have to be a serious hard-on to want to ban Wi-Fi.
2008-05-29 13:44:18 UTC
Funky Forest: The First Contact
Noah and I went to the Guild ("Albuquerque's only independent movie house") this weekend to see Funky Forest: The First Contact. It was billed as a sci-fi musical sketch comedy film from Japan! How could we go see the new Indiana Jones or Narnia when something like that was playing? Plus, it was directed by Katsuhito Ishii, who directed Taste of Tea and Shark Skin Man and Peach Hip Girl, two excellent, highly recommended films. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see his new(ish) film on the big screen.
"Por favor, tiréme."
True to its description, Funky Forest is a fantastically bizarre blend of David Lynch, David Cronenberg, and absurd sketch comedy with lots of dancing. And aliens. And some animation. The film plays as a series of skits that are at turns silly, surreal, hilarious, ridiculous, disturbing, disgusting, and beautiful. Though there's no clear overarching narrative, it doesn't actually feel disjointed. It's vaguely reminiscent of how the best episodes of Upright Citizens Brigade and Mr. Show connected all of their skits, making seemingly unrelated sketches part of a bigger, weirder whole.
Dos chicas ultramundanas bailan en un sueño.
My face hurt by the end of this film, from laughing and from just smiling in awe at was happening on the screen. I won't get into details because so much of the joy that comes from this movie is based on shock and surprise. See it if you can.
2008-05-28 21:36:46 UTC
Enlisting Your Bra in the Fight Against Terror
You never know when or where the terrorists are gonna strike. That's the thing about terrorists. They're terribly rude, like unannounced house guests that want to kill you. But you can always be ready for them if you're wearing your (patented) anti-terrorism bra.
Figure 1
It works just like a regular bra, but it can be converted into two face masks so you (and a friend!) can breath in the delicate bouquet of your bosom rather than dangerous contaminants.
Figure 2
So when under biological or chemical attack, simply remove your bra, strap it to your face, and relax!
From the Annals of Improbable Research.
2008-05-28 11:19:38 UTC
Catholic Craziness
Man, religious people are nuts. There's an annual festival in Spain called El Colacho in which men dress up as "The Devil" and jump over babies in an effort to cleanse them of their little baby sins. Check out the photos from this past weekend's baby-jumping madness. Here's a taste:
El Colacho es una tradición católica en España. Cada año, hombres disfrazan como "El Diablo" y saltan por encima de muchos bebés. ¿Por qué? Porque los religiosos son locos.
I wonder if there's ever any competition among the jumpers over who can clear the most babies. Like, is there an Evel Knievel of baby-jumping?
2008-05-27 12:17:25 UTC